“Rebounding From Rejection” Part 2: The Self-Inflicted Damage of Rejection

Last week, we established that rejection is unavoidable, genuinely damaging, and often made worse by our own responses. Today, we're diving deeper into that third truth—the one that might be the most important of all: how we often become our own worst enemy when rejection comes our way.

Here's a sobering reality: while we can't control when, where, or how rejection will hit us, we have complete control over whether we make it worse through our internal responses. Yet most of us unconsciously choose the path that multiplies our pain rather than minimizes it.

When We Become Our Own Worst Enemy

The most considerable damage caused by rejection is usually self-inflicted. This isn't victim-blaming—it's empowerment. Because if we're causing the worst damage, that means we also have the power to prevent it.

This self-inflicted damage happens in four predictable ways:

1. When Rejection Causes Us to Question Our Own Worth or Value

This is perhaps the most common and devastating response to rejection. Someone says "no" to our proposal, overlooks us for a promotion, or ends a relationship, and we immediately internalize it as evidence that we're not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough.

But here's the truth: rejection is usually about circumstances, timing, compatibility, or the other person's situation—not about your inherent value. When you allow rejection to rewrite your identity, you're taking someone else's limited perspective and making it more authoritative than God's eternal perspective about who called, created, and equipped you to be.

The enemy loves nothing more than to use rejection as a tool to make you question what God has already settled. Don't give him that power.

2. When We Allow People's Opinion to Become More Important Than God's Promises

This happens subtly. Someone criticizes your work, questions your calling, or dismisses your dreams, and suddenly their voice becomes louder in your head than God's voice. Their opinion carries more weight than His promises.

Proverbs 29:25 in The Message translation puts it perfectly: "The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that."

When we elevate human opinions above divine promises, we're essentially saying that finite, fallible people have more insight into our purpose and potential than the infinite, infallible God who created us. That's not just unwise—it's spiritually dangerous.

3. When Rejection Starts to Hinder Our Ability to Trust or Try New Things

This is where rejection begins to steal our future, not just wound our past. When we've been hurt, it's natural to want to protect ourselves. But when that protection becomes so extreme that we stop trusting others, stop trying new things, or stop putting ourselves in situations where we might face rejection again, we've allowed rejection to become our master.

Fear of rejection can cause us to:

• Hold back our ideas in meetings

• Avoid applying for opportunities we're qualified for

• Withdraw from relationships before others can withdraw from us

• Play it safe rather than step into our calling

• Settle for less than God's best because it feels safer

When rejection makes us risk-averse, it doesn't just affect one area of our lives—it affects our entire trajectory.

4. When We Become "Blind Barricaded"

This is the most serious form of self-inflicted damage. "Blind barricaded" is when we've unintentionally locked ourselves into a protective shell and can't see our way out. This state is often a consequence of accumulated bitterness and unforgiveness.

When we're blind barricaded:

• We assume the worst about people's motives

• We interpret neutral situations as potential rejection

• We build walls so high that even genuine love and opportunity can't get through

• We become suspicious of anything that looks too good to be true

• We develop a defensive posture that pushes away the very things we're longing for

The tragedy of being blind barricaded is that it's a prison we build for ourselves while believing we're creating safety. But there's no growth in that space, no joy, and certainly no fulfillment of the purposes God has for our lives.

The Pattern of Self-Destruction

Here's how the progression typically works:

Stage 1: Rejection happens (unavoidable) Stage 2: We feel the pain (natural and appropriate) Stage 3: We begin to internalize and personalize (this is where the damage starts) Stage 4: We make decisions based on the pain rather than truth (this is where the damage multiplies) Stage 5: Those decisions create patterns that attract more rejection or prevent us from recognizing acceptance (this is where we become blind barricaded)

The good news? We can interrupt this pattern at Stage 3. We don't have to let rejection move past the natural pain phase into the self-destructive phase.

A Different Response is Possible

God never intended for rejection to have this kind of power over our lives. In fact, He's given us everything we need to respond differently:

His Truth about our identity doesn't change based on other people's opinions. His Promises about our future that don't depend on other people's approval. His Spirit within us that gives us the strength to trust and try again. His Love for us that never fails, never gives up, and never runs out.

The question isn't whether you'll face rejection again—you will. The question is whether you'll have the tools to protect yourself from making it worse than it needs to be.

Protecting Yourself from Yourself

Remember our framework from last week: Because the greatest damage from rejection is usually self-inflicted, our mindset and response need to protect us from ourselves.

This means developing:

• Pre-planned responses to rejection that are based on Scripture, not emotions

• Identity anchors that keep you grounded in who God says you are, regardless of what others say

• Truth filters that help you discern what to learn from rejection and what to dismiss

• Recovery practices that help you bounce back quickly instead of spiraling down

Looking Ahead

Next week, we're going to dive into David's story from 1 Samuel 30 and learn the "What You Do Next" principle. This biblical strategy will revolutionize how you respond to rejection and any other setback life throws your way.

But for now, I want you to honestly assess: Where have you been your own worst enemy when it comes to rejection? What self-inflicted damage might you need to address?

Don't let rejection win by making it worse than it needs to be. You have more power over your response than you realize, and that power can be the difference between rejection defeating you or refining you.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

Next week in Part 3, we'll explore "The 'What You Do Next' Principle" and discover David's five-step process for turning devastating setbacks into incredible comebacks. You won't want to miss it!